'CONFESSIONS' OF ST. AUGUSTINE
Augustine's Spiritual Journey
According to E. B. Pusey (a translator), the Confessions are an account of "the way in which the hand of God led . . . the most powerful mind of Christan antiquity out of darkness to light." Augustine's spiritual journey is characterised by a conflict of wills: his own preference, the search for happiness in "created things"; or follow his God-given yearning for Truth which he ultimately understands can only be discovered within himself. The pursuit of "transient things" only leads up blind alleys, whereas the yearning for wisdom and Truth leads to God, which he describes as "that other happiness".
What Augustine needed to do was to face up to the truth, the reality of his spiritual exile: "I had know it all along, but I had always pretended it was something different", he wrote. It was the chance meeting in Milan with a fellow-countryman in the Emperor's household, Ponticianus, that finally changed his outlook: "while he was speaking, O Lord, you were turning me around to look at myself". Not that there hadn't been opportunities for such self-examination before: reading Cicero at the age of nineteen had inspired him to study philosophy, but "I still postponed my renunciation of this world's joys, which would have left me free to look for that other happiness, the very search for which, let alone its discovery, I ought to have prized above the discovery of all human treasures . . . or the ability to enjoy all the pleasures of the body." Augustine would never forget his meeting with Ponticianus.
Augustine's search "for that other happiness" had its genesis in a restless seeking after pleasure, beauty and truth. According to Peter Brown, "the Confessions are a manifesto of the inner world," or as Augustine himself would later observe, wherein "'Men go to gape at mountain peaks, at the boundless tides of the sea, the broad sweep of rivers, the encircling ocean and the motions of the stars and yet they leave themselves unnoticed; they do not marvel at themselves'. It was the realisation that man cannot hope to find God unless he first finds himself, for this God is 'deeper than my inmost being".
Augustine's inner conflict was, ultimately, the outcome of his determination to please himself rather than God. He tolerated the superstition of the Manichees "not because I had thought it was right, but because I preferred it to the Christian belief." It seems he knew where to find truth and happiness, but only on his own terms: "Give me chastity and continence", he had once prayed, "but not yet."
Through all this Augustine nevertheless sensed of the omnipresence of God. Clearly, God had his own plans for the life of this self-confessed sensualist. Like a steady stream the love of God preserved him, and had drawn him, even before he knew it: "But in my mother's heart, you had already begun to build your temple, and laid the foundations of your holy dwelling." Augustine could reflect upon his 'misspent' youth in terms of self-love and self-seeking, but with its counterpoint in God's abiding love and providential care: "we had destroyed ourselves, and who made, re-made us."
The course of this spiritual journey, developed in the first five books of the Confessions, is a story of great expectations and great promise, but not fulfillment or happiness. Although gifted by God in so many ways, Prodigal-like, Augustine was blind to the real source of his unhappiness, and the search for it only led "to pain, confusion and error." Instead of seeking the source of everything, including his true "inner" self, in God alone, Augustine preoccupied himself with externals, in his desires and pleasures, and in other creatures: "I turned away from you, and lost myself on many a different quest", in "a surfeit of hell's pleasures."
In so many ways a man of his times, Augustine was also a product of self-will and "sordid ambitions". His parents had given him a better start in life than their station demanded, or their means allowed, but Augustine regretfully looked back on his boyhood in the family home and early education as being more hindrance than help; it certainly hadn't provided him with the happiest of memories! For all that, his Christian mother, Monica, was still the the most abiding influence in his life. He said that while he may have consistenly ignored her admonitions, he could never avoid her prayers. "Like an oracle of God", he eventually idealized her as such.
Whilst the Manichees' promise of "Truth and truth alone" had once been a magnet to the young Augustine, it was the study of philosophy in Cicero that first awakened his "bewildering passion for the wisdom of eternal truth." This brought about a significant change in his attitude to spiritual things, a positive side to a particularly dark and perilous period in Carthage wherein, he wrote, the God of mercy "mixed much bitterness in that cup of pleasure!" Reading Cicero's Hortensius "changed my prayers to you, O Lord, and provided me with new hope and aspirations."
It was through this "great ardour for the pursuit of truth" that Augustine eventually rejected Manichaeanism and embraced the tenets of the Sceptics. Paradoxically, it was only then that his mind was opened to listen and absorb the teaching of the influential bishop Ambrose! Augustine had been blind to the Truth and pride had been the real barrier to friendship with God. Human friendship which he always craved was all too easily satisfied, yet it only led him into blind alleys and on more than one occasion into spiritual crisis. When grief-stricken by the death of his friend of Thagaste, he had found himself "obsessed by a strange feeling . . . tired of living yet afraid to die." Such experiences led him to look deep within himself.
The scene that followed Augustine's meeting with Ponticianus in the garden in Milan was the climax of his spiritual journey, an end to the pursuit of "transient things" and the discovery of "the Word"; the end of exile and discovery of "that other happiness" which had proved so illusive, so demanding, yet so earnestly desired. It was, as Helen Waddell put it, Augustine's "ultimate agony of will."
The course of this spiritual journey, developed in the first five books of the Confessions, is a story of great expectations and great promise, but not fulfillment or happiness. Although gifted by God in so many ways, Prodigal-like, Augustine was blind to the real source of his unhappiness, and the search for it only led "to pain, confusion and error." Instead of seeking the source of everything, including his true "inner" self, in God alone, Augustine preoccupied himself with externals, in his desires and pleasures, and in other creatures: "I turned away from you, and lost myself on many a different quest", in "a surfeit of hell's pleasures."
In so many ways a man of his times, Augustine was also a product of self-will and "sordid ambitions". His parents had given him a better start in life than their station demanded, or their means allowed, but Augustine regretfully looked back on his boyhood in the family home and early education as being more hindrance than help; it certainly hadn't provided him with the happiest of memories! For all that, his Christian mother, Monica, was still the the most abiding influence in his life. He said that while he may have consistenly ignored her admonitions, he could never avoid her prayers. "Like an oracle of God", he eventually idealized her as such.
Whilst the Manichees' promise of "Truth and truth alone" had once been a magnet to the young Augustine, it was the study of philosophy in Cicero that first awakened his "bewildering passion for the wisdom of eternal truth." This brought about a significant change in his attitude to spiritual things, a positive side to a particularly dark and perilous period in Carthage wherein, he wrote, the God of mercy "mixed much bitterness in that cup of pleasure!" Reading Cicero's Hortensius "changed my prayers to you, O Lord, and provided me with new hope and aspirations."
It was through this "great ardour for the pursuit of truth" that Augustine eventually rejected Manichaeanism and embraced the tenets of the Sceptics. Paradoxically, it was only then that his mind was opened to listen and absorb the teaching of the influential bishop Ambrose! Augustine had been blind to the Truth and pride had been the real barrier to friendship with God. Human friendship which he always craved was all too easily satisfied, yet it only led him into blind alleys and on more than one occasion into spiritual crisis. When grief-stricken by the death of his friend of Thagaste, he had found himself "obsessed by a strange feeling . . . tired of living yet afraid to die." Such experiences led him to look deep within himself.
The scene that followed Augustine's meeting with Ponticianus in the garden in Milan was the climax of his spiritual journey, an end to the pursuit of "transient things" and the discovery of "the Word"; the end of exile and discovery of "that other happiness" which had proved so illusive, so demanding, yet so earnestly desired. It was, as Helen Waddell put it, Augustine's "ultimate agony of will."
No comments:
Post a Comment